"I shouldn't think too much in the future because the anticipation is most likely worse than what I'm actually anticipating. Every now and then I have these moments when I just want to leave you, because I'm scared. I'm a flight-risk. But I know I never could just leave you. I'm scared to show you that I love you but you seem to understand me and accept it, which makes me love you even more. And I want to say I'm sorry. For being so messed up. Sorry that I can't love you the way you love me. I hope I'm strong enough to get pass all this, that I don't ruin this beautiful thing that we have, and that one day I can truly love you the way you deserve to be loved. "
exactly what I feel right now. cuba mencari salah di mana-mana dan timbulkan amarah dia. dengan harapan dia akan berlalu pergi. its hurt. tapi aku rasa aku tak kuat tuk tempuh hari-hari itu bersama dia.
omg...apa yang aku buat ni? but seriously. do I deserved it?will he accept me for what I am? cuba lihat aku. feel ashamed tu admit yang aku ni perempuan. yes. sangat kasar. mulut sangat kurang ajar. ganas. cuba lihat tubuh aku. omg. rasa nak tikamtikam je lemak yang ada.
ok.lets say yang dia sanggup terima aku sekarang. bagaimana 5 tahun lagi?bila aku dah ada anak lima? perut berlapis-lapis. and you now what?aku ada bangkitkan hal ni kat dia dan dia kata"waled nak umi kekal macam ni even anak 10 pun". hey.mustahil la. I do sentap. but aku simpan je dalam hati. and it kills me slowly. cant stop thinking about it since then.
then?what should I do
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